I Wonder...

I Wonder… 

I wonder if he knows that I am disappearing everyday.

I wonder if he knows that I don’t feel loved.

I wonder if he knows that I don’t feel valued.

I wonder if he knows that I am beginning to resent him.

I wonder if he knows that I can’t live like this any longer.

I wonder if he knows that I want to ballroom dance.

I wonder if he knows that I have dreams of a better life.

I wonder if he knows that they don’t include him.

I wonder if he knows that the light of the love we once shared is dim.

See, he’s live with me for a lifetime, so how could he not know? He knew what

to say when he was pursing me. He knew how to be charming and caring then. Hell, he was downright funny. There was a time when I even considered him a close friend.

What is it about “I do” that causes people to become emotionally lazy? Is he so convinced that he has me  so “locked down” I won’t go anywhere?

I wonder…

I wonder if he knows that in a way he’s already lost me.

I wonder if he sees that the young girl he married is becoming a woman scorned.

I KNOW HE KNOWS I need a partner because I’ve told him so.

I KNOW HE KNOWS that I got married to have someone to share a life with because I told him that too!

I wonder…does he care? Does he believe me?

I wonder if he’ll come to my rescue. He never has before. “Terri, everything doesn’t have to be discussed.” He said.

I wonder if he knows that was the beginning of the end…

I am sure I am going to get this shocked, surprised look when I layout my reasons “why”.

I wonder if he’ll make an attempt to be the man I need him to be.

I wonder…

I wonder will I remain Mrs.?

I wonder how my children will react.

I wonder if my life will change.

I wonder if I’m making the right decision.

I know God is on my side & He will see me through, but still…

I wonder…